I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 20th of June 2009.

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 20th of June 2009 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of no less than three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.
Yours sincerely, Max

The reply

Dear Max,

Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous.I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards.

Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the ‘VIP’. I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a Jaguar is in order.

Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself. If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest.

Please also note that my sister is happily employed.

Yours perhaps, Samantha!

Security Officer -> Announcement started, “Dear Employees – With melting heart I am making this announcement that for many of you it will be a last evacuation drill, as we are laying off almost 80% employee. While moving in who-so-ever’s ID card won’t work are laid off & all their belongings will be couriered to them tomorrow. We followed this approach as we don’t want to fill email box size with layoff mail in thousands & also to avoid any fight inside office”. Hope you have nice career ahead. Please move in & try your luck.

Source: E-mail forwards..

1. Why did you apply for this job?
I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.

2. Why do you want to work for this company?
I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don’t have any specific company in mind.

3. Why should I hire you?
You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.

4. What would you do if this happened?
Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that situation…

5. What is your biggest strength?
Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of the fate of company

6. What is your biggest weakness?
Girls

7. What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get more money, so I am here today

8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there.

9. Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
Biggest challenge is answering the question “why are you looking for a change” and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.

10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
For the same reason why you left your earlier job

11. What do you want from this job?
If no work is given but keep giving good hikes

12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs

13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I’ve gone through your website

14. What is the salary expected and how do justify that?
Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard.
(I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current salary by 30%)

How to ruin your interview with the HR:

1. Pretend you have no weaknesses. Or tell me that your biggest weakness is perfectionism and you work too hard. You might as well wear a sign saying, “I’m bullshitting you.”

2. Ask questions about the company that could have easily been answered with a modicum of research.

3. Be as quiet as possible. It shouldn’t be like pulling teeth for me to get information out of you. If you’re shy, I empathize, but you’ve got to help me get a sense of who you are.

4. Don’t ask any questions. That very well says “I’m not interested in this job and don’t really need any info about the job”.

5. Interrupt. It’s the kiss of death in any job interview.

6. Don’t think beyond your desire to get a job offer. Too many candidates approach the interview as if the only goal is to win a job offer. But the wiser goal is to see if you’re a mutual match, emphasis on mutual.

7. Refer the interviewer with his/her first name. Some may take it in good sense. Some may not. Specially in Govt or Babu type organisations, you need to refer them as Sir / Ma’m.

Sometimes the most innocent interview question can prove to be the key to the empire for some, while it can be the swan song for others.
The next time an employer asks, “Why should I hire you?” see the question in a new light — as an opportunity to shine and pull ahead of your competitors.

Why hire you?

Be careful to avoid clever retorts or comedic one-liners here. Your interview is serious business and a wrong answer will send you packing. This is the one question that interviewers like to ask because the answer can separate the contenders from the also-rans. Give a wrong answer and the large “game over” sign flashes above your head.

What hiring managers really want to know is, “What’s special or different about you?” or “How are you different than all the other candidates who have applied for this position?” With this in mind, a good way to approach your answer here is to launch into your best “story” that answers this question: “Will you go the extra mile?”
Why is the employer asking why he or she should hire you? Because there are only five areas of interest he or she is concerned with:

1. Your skills
2. Your knowledge about the company
3. Your manageability
4. Your affordability
5. Whether you can go above and beyond your job description.

In this day of “lean and mean” operations philosophy, employers are looking for employees who can think bigger and perform duties beyond their jobs.
Realize that there will always be competing candidates with a higher skill level, more experience, more education and training or even a smoother interviewing style. The one equalizer though, is the ability to demonstrate how you have risen above and gone that extra mile to accomplish an important task, complete the job or realize an important goal.

Here, you recount that story of exactly how you worked 60-hour weeks, acquired new skills or did whatever it took to distinguish yourself and meet the challenge head on to successfully make the sale, save the project or rescue a client. If you can put a dollar value on the result, your story will only be that much more dramatic.

Knowing this ahead of time, it’s wise to put in the time beforehand to work on your answer to this question. Pick your best example of how you went above and beyond in your job. Work on your story to perfect it. Set the scene, describe the challenge and describe your role and the successful conclusion. Use this as an example of how you use your particular set of skills in an extraordinary time to “give it your all” and produce a clear benefit to your employer.

Since no other candidate can duplicate your own personal story here, you’ll make a memorable impression. Not only that, but quite possibly you’ll pull yourself ahead of that “perfect” candidate who preceded you.